Showing posts with label Leo Brent Robillard. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Leo Brent Robillard. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 4, 2018

Rats

A Short Story


Last night I dreamed of rats. They were in the basement of a house that was mine, but wasn’t mine at the same time. They were large and grey and fluffy, except for their tails. Their tails were rat tails, all slick and menacing. Otherwise, they were the texture of my cat. I know, because one scurried up my leg to bite my face and I had to fight it off.
            The house was really an apartment building, see, and someone had left their garbage in the basement, rather than taking it out. The bags were torn open and festering with maggots.
            The exterminator came and told me we should stomp on them. That didn’t seem right, even in the dream. When I tried, I could never generate enough force in my leg. It was like I was stomping in slow motion. The puffy little things just slipped away and kept at the garbage. The exterminator guy had much better luck. When he was finished with them, their bodies were little more than sticky garnet starbursts on the cement.
            It didn’t matter, though. The rats just kept coming.
            Eventually, he told me that we had to burn them out. I nodded. He was the professional, after all. I couldn’t even stomp them properly.
            Anyway, that’s how we lost the house.
            My wife turned to me from the bed in our hotel and asked if I had managed to salvage the shower curtain.
            “We lost our house, and the first thing you think to ask about is the shower curtain?” I said.
            “Well,” she said, “did you?”
            “Of course.” I rattled the bedsheets to show her that we were, in fact, sleeping under the shower curtain at that very moment.
            That immediately put her mind at rest. For my part, I couldn’t erase the glow of the flames as they licked at the basement window. I felt terrible for having trusted the exterminator. In retrospect, he didn’t even wear a uniform. What kind of exterminator doesn’t wear a uniform? He looked like the Marlboro Man, minus the Stetson. Ruggedly handsome, chiseled good looks. He would not have been out of place on the cover of a romance novel.
            When I told my wife about the dream, she just said, “Huh.” But I’m not sure that she was paying attention. She was on her phone. Facebook, maybe. Her face was pale blue phosphorescence in the half-light of the morning.  We both go to work early. I sipped my coffee.
Anyway, I’ve done a lot of poking around on the Internet since I woke up. I have a desk job and I’m into self-diagnosis. Cut out the middle man, I say.
What I found is that dreams about rats are rather complex. It makes a difference, for example, if you are chasing the rat, or if the rat tries to bite you. Your emotional state in the dream is also important. An analyst would want to know if you felt afraid of the rat. Then they might want to know how you feel about rats in the real world.
Chewing and gnawing appear to be significant, as well.
Some of the stuff I read just seemed obvious, like the bits about sickness and disease. Who hasn’t heard about the Bubonic Plague, right? Or the stuff about dirt and filth. A few of the articles weren’t even trying.
But there was a website that talked about betrayal and people eating away at you. That one got me thinking. It also mentioned that killing a rat meant that you were victorious over your enemies. But, of course, I couldn’t kill the rats in my dream. And I really tried. I lined them up time and again, but the tricky bastards just slipped away.
You might be surprised, but there was nothing about shower curtains anywhere. Fire, sure. But not shower curtains. I don’t know what to make of that.
Anyway, I can’t even look at my cat this evening. And like I say, that one article has really got me thinking about betrayal. I tried to raise the topic with my wife again, but she was watching something YouTube. She’s really into social media.
It’s just that I feel like I should know the exterminator from somewhere. It’s on the tip of my tongue. And what’s worse, is that I can hear them now. I mean right now. The rats. They’re in the walls as we speak.  I can hear them chewing and slinking. Slinking and chewing.
I keep looking at my wife, but if she hears them, she does not let on.
That one in the dream came really close to biting my face, you know. I think it goes without mentioning that I am feeling more than a little anxious right now. I mean what if I can’t stomp them? Like in the dream.
What choice will I have? I should really prepare the shower curtain.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Rust: a poem

This poem is for my friend monna; you can read her excellent poetry here.

Rust

Everything eventually
arteries
              even
human plumbing

don’t, she said, speak that way
about
love
or other forms of hunger

the ferrous quality of
blood
              to blame
oxygen and water to the heart

given sufficient time  
a corroded
carotid
will disintegrate with the redox loss

of electrons, friable
flaking
              it starves
on what it feeds, red teeth

the texture of craving
cracking
              expanding

exacting everything eventually

Sunday, September 27, 2015

A Mountain Love Affair

Last week, author Lauren Carter was kind enough to host a stop on my recent blog tour for The Road to Atlantis.  As she was in the planning stages of a walk/hike in the Hebrides next summer -- and because she discovered that I am an avid hiker --  we settled on the connection between hiking and writing as a theme for my post.  The resulting essay reminded me of my first hike in the Adirondacks -- the tale of which you can read below. While not as pastoral as my subsequent experiences in the mountains, it is nonetheless... a good story.
 

Halfway up the south-east spine of Algonquin Peak, my wife asks me for a divorce.  No.  She demands it.
            We are more than five hours and 10 km into our ascent of the second highest peak in the Adirondacks, and the only other mountain in the state over 5000 feet (1500m).  We are stopped next to a pristine mountain pool into which cascades a waterfall, level by level, like a wedding cake.  Behind us is Lake Colden and the scarred, silent presence of a four-thousand-seven-hundred-fifteen foot (1437m) peak that bears the same name.  The setting is nothing short of extraordinary.
            And yet, Caroline, on the day of our twelfth anniversary, is close to tears, and visibly shaking with rage.
            “Why don’t you go out and get yourself a twenty-eight-year-old blonde,” she nearly spits.  “If this is what you want to do with the rest of your life, you can count me out.”
            I don’t think that she is kidding.
            While both of us are avid hikers, our habitual playground is back in south-eastern Ontario where the Shield meets the St. Lawrence lowlands.  Algonquin is our first real climb.  And we have taken the long way.
            The hike begins pleasantly enough from our campsite in Heart Lake.  From there, the VanHoevenberg Trail winds gently up MacIntyre Brook for more than a kilometre, and then bears east to Marcy Dam – a wilderness camping Mecca scattered around a magnificent split-log levee over Marcy Brook.
            In spite of variable skies, we are in high spirits and making good time over terrain not unlike that of our favourite hikes in the Shield.  Skirting the small beaver pond behind the dam, we follow Marcy Brook further south like a polished stone path.  In August, water levels are low, revealing foreign moonscapes.  We cross the brook using a foot bridge whose height provides us with some sense of just how much the flow here changes from season to season.
            The next stretch of this trail, known as Avalanche Pass, is acknowledged by locals as one of the most spectacular in all the ‘Daks.  The valley floor slims to the width of an axe-wedge between the mountains, so that the forest and the rock walls close in upon you.  It is cooler here and damp.  The sun cannot penetrate for more than a few hours each day, and the surface of everything is covered in luminescent green moss.  At certain points on the rubble-strewn floor, where boulders gathered generations earlier, and exposed root systems close like fists over rocky outcrops, it is all we can do to squeeze past with our packs.
            And then the story behind the trail’s name becomes clear as the pass opens slightly and Mount Colden’s exposed flank is made visible for the first time.  An actual avalanche of matchstick trees fills the valley floor – sullen and grey – but for an anorexic footpath that has been carved through at the end of a chainsaw.  In examining the history of this accident we can only imagine the force of the original landslide.  The trees are piled more than twice my height in places, and the slope where they once grew is denuded but for a few hardy tufts of grass growing among the crevasses.
            Even more awe-inspiring, however, is Avalanche Lake on the far side of this disaster.  It is here, on the shoreline mud flats of late summer, amid skeletal tree trunks, and surrounded by towering rock walls that we stop for lunch.  It is also here that things begin to go awry.
            In fact, my wife – an amateur photographer – has since framed and hung a black and white photograph she took here.  It is lovingly titled, “The Gates of Hell.”
            We strike up a conversation with a group of boy scouts huddled on the banks, tossing stones into the lake and awaiting the preparation of their own lunch – a process handled by a man we assume is the troop leader.  A pimply youth in his late teens, and most likely second in command, asks us if we intend to camp at Lake Colden, farther down the trail.  When we relay our plan to tackle Algonquin, he simply nods.
            Something in his demeanour forces Caroline to enquire, “Have you ever climbed it?”
            “Once,” he answers.  And then adds, “It’s really steep.  From this side.”
            I can feel Caroline’s eyes bearing down on me, but I do not look over.  Instead, I demonstrate abnormal fascination and unprecedented interest in my energy bar.  Keep my eyes lowered.  And chew.

There is not much room on either bank of Avalanche Lake for hiking.  In fact, the trail is little more than a series of scrambles up and over boulders – facilitated at times by rustic, wood-beam ladders.  One section involves walking a “Hitch-Up-Mathilda” – a two-plank bridge, pinioned to the side of Avalanche Mountain and hanging over the glacial lake below.  The going is extremely slow.
            “This isn’t hiking,” Caroline says at one point as I help haul her up over a particularly large boulder.  “This is dangerous.  If I were to fall, I’d die.”
            Months earlier, when I selected Algonquin as my destination, I had intended to climb it alone.  However, my wife noticed the research I was compiling, and decided that she would like to join me. 
“Are you sure?  I mean ... it’s a mountain.”
            Shortly thereafter, through a process of decision making that I cannot recall, we determined to celebrate our anniversary on the summit of Mount Algonquin.  Mistakenly, I choose this moment during our hike to remind my wife that she had asked for this.  Surprisingly, this morsel of information does not improve the situation.
            It is two kilometres of difficult hiking from Avalanche Lake to Lake Colden, where the trail meets a junction, veers north-west, and begins a slow climb.  Caroline and I fall into an uneasy silence, hiking single file, crisscrossing a stream coming off the mountain.  Waterfalls, large and small, abound here even in late summer.  About a kilometre farther, panting and sweating, we come across the ADK signpost indicating the direction of the summit.  Over the next 2.4 kilometres, it warns, the trail will gain more than 2100ft (650m) of elevation.
            My near divorce occurs shortly after this.
            While physically demanding, to be sure, mountain trekking has much more to do with mental preparedness.  It requires commitment, like a marriage.  You have to be in it for better or for worse.  As is the case with most hikers, I enjoy the wilderness for its relative serenity; its absence of noise; and, of course, its scenery.  However, tackling a mountain adds another dimension to the equation.  The wilderness becomes a challenge – both physical and mental – that the majority of the urban, industrial world does not experience every day.  On the side of a mountain, you cannot simply decide to bail, throw in the towel, or call up a cab.  There is no eject button.  You must depend on yourself, and the others with whom you are hiking.  For this reason it is imbued as well with a sense of elation, akin to victory, for those who persevere.

The Boundary Trail from Lake Colden to the summit of Algonquin is a grueling hike, requiring occasional scrambling and grappling to reach your goal.  But the rewards are equal to the effort.  The claustrophobic trail opens occasionally onto swathes of stripped rock-face thirty feet wide and a hundred feet long, beset by mountain runoff and offering up vistas of incredible beauty, including the omnipresence of Mount Colden like a humpback sentinel – or a measuring stick upon which you can assess your ascent. 
            Even my wife in her funk of near despair could not help but be awed by this last stretch.  Slowly, as the peak neared, and the terrain pushed toward the sublime, she reached her backpacker’s wall, and successfully scaled it.  To train for this climb, alongside hiking, we added daily stair-master and elliptical machine workouts at the local YMCA.  For six months, I showed Caroline trek photos and read to her from snippets of on-line summit posts.  So when we broke the treeline at 4800ft, and entered the alpine world of rugged juniper and lichen covered stone, I turned and shook her gently by the straps of her pack.
            “Tell me this isn’t amazing.  Tell me you’re not going to make it, now.”
            We walked the last few hundred feet together past stone cairns in the whipping wind.  The sun came out and a 360 degree vista unfurled around us for hundreds of miles.  To the north and west, Mount Wright, Phelps, Boundary and Iroquois – and further off, the Western High Peaks Zone.  To the south and east, Mount Colden, Gothics, Basin, and Saddleback.  And beyond Colden’s shoulder, Algonquin’s big sister.  Mount Marcy.
            To say that the summit of a mountain is silent would be a lie.  The howling wind alone is almost impenetrable.  However, what a peak does offer is a space free of noise.  And your eyes absorb so much distance from a summit that events unfolding miles away give the impression that they create no sound – a vulture catching thermal updrafts in the valley below, hikers crawling over distant peaks.  Silent films. 
            Ensconced in stone at the top of Algonquin there is a small brass stamp from the geological survey designating the exact summit, 5115ft (1,559 m).  Caroline and I took turns standing on it.  We rested a while, snacked, and even met a few other intrepid hikers who had come up the north side of the mountain.  It had taken us seven hard-fought hours over twelve kilometres of rugged terrain.  We would spend another three hours descending the far side back to Heart Lake.

            But already in that moment of elation the seed was sown.  It would mark the beginning of a love affair with the Adirondack Mountains.  And just another day in ours.          

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Bury the Hatchet


Photo by Leo Brent Robillard
 
A writer must have thick skin.  This is among the first things I tell my students.  Rejection is part of the game.  Send out ten submissions, expect nine to come back with a form letter.  Oh, but how sweet the one that comes back positive. 

Writing and publishing is tough a tough racket.  The story of J.K. Rowling’s repeated rejections are now the stuff of literary legend.  Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone was turned down by twelve British publishing houses, before it went on to break sales records around the world.  Louis L’Amour claims to have been turned down 200 times before Bantam picked him up.  William Golding, Margaret Mitchell, William Faulkner, and Stephen King are just a few of the other literary giants to have been put off.  This only speaks to the vagaries of the modern aesthetic. 

But these rejections slips are private affairs – shared in retrospect. These writers can now look back with a smug shrug, history having proven them right.  What about the far more public rejection of the dreaded negative review?  Or worse, the ‘hatchet job’? 

Better to buy armour.

As a writer and teacher of writing, aesthetic vagaries and negativity are often on my mind – and never more so than in the wake of a newly published book.  I count myself lucky to have been on the receiving end of a hatchet job only twice in twenty years of writing and publishing – both times made bearable by the timely appearance of better tidings.   But over these same years, I have also found myself on the flip side of this story.  I have written more than fifty reviews, myself – many of which appear on this site.  Others were published in small press journals and newspapers. For a time, I even edited two such journals – assigning books sent from literary presses across Canada to other reviewers.  In neither of these roles did I ever pen or publish a hatchet job. 

Perhaps I have a weak stomach. 

No.  It’s not that.  I have been critical.  I have been negative.  But I have been fair.  I suppose that I espouse Jan Zwicky’s philosophy of reviewing.  Like Zwicky, I believe that reviews should be “appreciative.”  This is not to be confused with blithely ‘positive.’  To review a book is to weigh and to evaluate.  As Julienne Isaacs writes in The Puritan, “The reviewer must be allowed to retain the option of proclaiming some books superior to others in the canon.”   In her thoughtful essay, “In Defense of the Negative Book Review: Can Hatchet Jobs Build Strong Literary Culture?”, Isaacs sifts both sides of the argument, but eventually concludes: “Should the literary critics throw out the hatchet? Very probably, if it means discarding the vitriol that occasionally clogs the valves of otherwise reasonable negative reviews.” 

I consider the review as the beginning of a discourse.  It is a public conversation concerning a book’s aesthetic.  However, the hatchet job is not a discourse.  It is a diatribe.  The author of a hatchet job sets himself up as ‘the’ authority.  This authoritative voice is thuggish and brokers no disagreement. In a Bookends column for the New York Times Book Review, James Parker writes, “The reviewer desires not-quite-consciously to ‘master’ the text, to prove his superiority to the book under review…and this desire, unless acknowledged, warps his lexicon and inflates his language.”

It can be argued that the author of a hatchet job is doing the public a service by warning off unsuspecting consumers; however, in a strictly Canadian context, it seems unlikely that there are hordes of duplicitous small press authors hoping to wrest hard-earned dollars from a blinkered public.  Isaacs says:

In the limited confines of Canadian literary culture, damning reviews matter.  To small-press writers who must already work much harder than writers with mainstream presses to promote their books, negative reviews add insult to injury…Why should reviewers take the time to lambaste a book that likely isn’t going anywhere?

Essentially, then, reviewers should follow the advice their parents gave them as children, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

              Review outlets are disappearing in Canada in some respect.  Column inches and newspaper space have been greatly reduced.  It is true that these traditional outlets have been unofficially subsidized through public domains such as Goodreads and Amazon, to name a few.  And I believe that public taste is a valid litmus test.  However, if the traditional review outlets, such as the Globe & Mail, National Post and Quill & Quire, are to differentiate – and therefore continue to legitimize -- themselves from the public domain, they should do so by eliminating the hatchet and the rant in favour of the informed and the reasonable.  Why fill the small space devoted to review with contempt?  Better to focus on those books worthy of attention, which might otherwise be ignored.  This ‘appreciative’ method will get us closer to the aesthetic we desire.

              Perhaps as a teacher of nineteen years, I understand more viscerally the impact of delivering a less than exemplary evaluation.  Criticism must be delivered with respect to the author.  Reviews, like books, are an integral part of a healthy literary landscape. We must push each other to do better.  Not batter the other into submission.

             

Read thoughtful reviews of my most recent novel, The Road to Atlantis, from Quill &Quire and Wednesday Book Review – or watch the 49th Shelf on September 28th for my “Short-Changed List” – Canadian books that deserve a second glance.

You can weigh in on the topic in the comment section below with your thoughts and stories.